Discover evidence-based mom brain solutions that transform cognitive changes into powerful new capabilities. Learn how your parent brain adapts and grows stronger through change.
The Parent Brain Paradox
“‘Beep!’ said Blue,” you recite perfectly from memory during story time, then moments later on the phone, you pause mid-sentence—the word you need hovers just out of reach. As a parent focus coach, I’ve learned these moments don’t signal decline—they reveal your brain’s remarkable adaptability. While coaching offers practical strategies for navigating these normal life changes, some parents may benefit from additional healthcare or mental health support.
As both a mother and parent focus coach, I’ve personally navigated this territory. When I couldn’t remember someone’s name during a conversation or felt scattered during my workday, I initially saw these changes as limitations. However, through research and personal experience, I learned that these ‘mom brain’ moments weren’t a myth; they were signs of my brain’s transformation to parenthood.
Your Hidden Superpowers
Your brain’s ability to change and grow reaches incredible heights during parenthood—so much so that researchers compare these changes to adolescence in their scope (Kim, 2016). Think about how you’ve learned to wake at your baby’s slightest sound or tell the difference between their ‘hungry’ and ‘tired’ cries – changes that Pritschet et al. (2024) found reflect enhanced sensory processing in the maternal brain. These aren’t just parent superpowers—they’re signs of your brain developing remarkable new strengths, which scientists like Orchard et al. (2023) reveal as crucial developmental adaptations rather than the dismissive ‘mom brain’ label.
Evidence of Evolution
Recent research supports this view. In her groundbreaking book Mommy Brain, Dr. Jodi Pawluski (2023) explains that these cognitive changes happen for good reasons. Your brain literally rewires itself to handle the complex job of keeping a tiny human alive and thriving. This isn’t something to fix—it’s a transformation to understand and embrace.
Flipping the Script
Let me show you how to flip your perspective from feeling frustrated about these changes to recognizing their power. Through my deep dive into understanding current research and my work with parents navigating this transition, I’ve discovered how the FlipIt framework (International Coach Academy, 2024) can help us understand and work with these changes instead of against them.
Two Sides of the Story
The FlipIt framework helps us examine both sides of this experience:
Frustrated: When we feel our brain isn’t working like it used to
Powerful: When we recognize these changes as new strengths developing
The word “frustration” comes from the Latin word frustratio, meaning “disappointment,” while power, derived from the Latin potere, meaning “to be able,” symbolizes capability and growth. Let’s explore how this framework can help you navigate your parenting journey with more confidence and clarity.
Transforming Fog into Focus: The FlipIt Framework
The FlipIt framework gives us a clear path to transform how we view these brain changes. This approach offers practical ‘mom brain’ solutions through four key steps:
Find It: Notice Your Patterns
First, we notice when these changes affect us. Maybe it’s losing your sunglasses only to find them on your head or when you’re making a grocery list but can’t remember what you need—even though you buy the same items every week. Take a moment to explore your own experience:
- When you think about the times you feel most scattered, what do you notice about the environment around you?
- What patterns do you notice when these moments occur?
- What parts of your identity feel most stretched in these moments?
Feel It: Listen to Your Experience
Then, we pay attention to our reactions to these moments. Ask yourself:
- If these feelings of frustration could speak, what message would they have for you?
- When you respond with curiosity instead of judgment, what do you discover?
- If your moments of frustration had a form or shape, what would they look like?
Frame It: Examine Your Perspective
Next, we look at how we think about these changes. Common thoughts include:
- “I should be able to think clearly like I did before.”
- “Something’s wrong with my brain.”
- “I’m falling behind.”
Flip It: Choose Your Power
Now comes the transformative step – actively choosing to view these same experiences through a lens of power. Common flipped perspectives include:
- “My brain is developing new ways of processing information.”
- “My brain is actively reorganizing to meet new challenges.”
- “I’m gaining valuable perspective.”
This isn’t just positive thinking – it’s aligning our view with the scientific reality of how our brains adapt and grow during parenthood.
Drawing from informal responses from parents in my community, many expressed feeling frustrated by these cognitive shifts during early parenthood. This shared experience echoes what researchers have found: adjusting to parenthood involves significant brain changes (Davies et al., 2018), and yes, it can sometimes feel frustrating. The prevalence of these feelings raised an important question: what happens when this frustration becomes overwhelming?
When Frustration Takes Over: What Research Tells Us
When you’re feeling frustrated by these changes, you’re not alone. Research helps us understand why this journey can feel so challenging:
Energy Demands:
Just like a phone running low on battery, constant frustration drains your energy. Research shows this can lead to feeling disconnected from both parenting and other responsibilities (Blanchard et al., 2023).
Confidence Challenges:
When you don’t trust your brain, it’s harder to trust yourself. How confident you feel about your parenting abilities affects how well you respond to your child’s needs. (Teti et al., 1996).
Decision Struggles:
Have you ever stood in front of your closet, suddenly overwhelmed by the task of choosing what to wear? When your brain is tired, even simple choices can feel complicated. Research shows that mental fatigue can lead to avoiding decisions or making hasty ones (Angoff et al., 2022).
Relationship Impact:
These feelings often spill over into our connections with others. Studies show that early parenting stress can create tension in relationships with partners. (Lavee et al., 1996).
Discovering Your Parent Brain Power
Those moments when you can’t find your keys but can instantly tell when your baby’s hungry versus tired? These aren’t memory glitches at all. McCormack et al. (2023) are leading the charge to rebrand ‘mommy brain’ because these moments are signs of your brain prioritizing the intricate skills of parenthood over less crucial daily details.
Author and healthcare journalist Chelsea Conaboy explains in her book Mother Brain (2022) how research has found that parent brains become especially good at:
- Reading emotions and understanding others’ needs
- Solving complex problems quickly
- Managing multiple tasks
- Staying alert to what matters most
Awareness Building:
Consider what’s already working for you:
- In what situations do you feel most aligned with your evolving capabilities?
- What unexpected wisdom has parenthood brought to your professional life?
- What do you notice about how you show up differently at work?
Making the Most of Your New Strengths
Research shows that parenthood enhances emotional processing and social cognition (Kim, 2016). Here’s how these adaptations may benefit various aspects of professional life:
Emotional Intelligence Enhancement:
Science demonstrates:
- Enhanced emotional cue recognition (Kim, 2016)
- Improved social understanding (Orchard et al., 2023)
In coaching, parents often apply these as:
- Deeper understanding of team dynamics
- More nuanced relationship skills
- New approaches to workplace challenges
Adaptive Thinking Patterns:
Research validates:
- Enhanced behavioral flexibility (Uriarte & Pereira, 2024)
- Strengthened complex decision-making (Angoff et al., 2022)
Early client experiences suggest possibilities like:
- Earlier recognition of challenges
- Creative problem-solving approaches
- Stronger pattern recognition
Attention and Priority Management:
Studies show parents develop:
- Enhanced attention to important signals (Pritschet et al., 2024)
- Improved cognitive flexibility (Orchard et al., 2023)
These may support:
- Complex project management
- Flexible priority adjustment
- Detail tracking across areas
Want to dive deeper into the science? My companion article, “Parent Brain Coaching: Transform Your Focus,” explores the fascinating research behind these changes. While scientists are still studying many aspects of this transformation, what’s clear is that these changes serve important purposes—both for parenting and potentially for our broader lives.
A Real Story of Transformation
Let me share Kate’s story (name changed). As an executive and new mom, her confidence was shaken when she struggled to find the right words during an important meeting. “I used to be able to express myself clearly. Now, I worry others are judging me when I can’t think of a word,” she told me. But as we worked together, she noticed something interesting: while she occasionally paused to find words, she had become much better at:
- Leading from a place of empathy and understanding
- Anticipating project roadblocks and contingency planning
- Balancing multiple priorities across many projects more seamlessly
Using evidence-based coaching approaches like the REVEAL model also helps parents shift from frustrated to powerful.
Practical Ways to Embrace Your Evolved Brain
Here’s how you can start working with your brain’s new strengths instead of fighting against them:
In Meetings and Conversations:
Instead of saying, “Sorry, mom brain!”
Try, “Let me express this precisely…”
When Managing Projects:
Instead of: “I can’t focus like I used to.”
Try: “I’m considering this from multiple angles.”
During Team Interactions:
Instead of: “I’m too scattered now.”
Try: “I’m processing several important factors.”
Creating Sustainable Success Strategies
To make the most of your evolving capabilities:
Set Yourself Up for Success:
- Schedule important tasks during your peak clarity hours
- Create routines that work with your natural energy patterns
- Use simple tools to track details when needed
Connect with Support:
- Share experiences with fellow parents in similar situations
- Work with mentors who understand this transition
- Join communities that celebrate parent brain power
Awakening to Your Power: A Coaching Journey
The path from frustration to power begins with awareness. Let’s explore some powerful questions that can help you discover your evolving strengths:
Exploring Current Experience (Finding Your Frustration):
- What moments do you commonly find yourself frustrated with your brain?
- What feels most challenging about this transition?
- What old expectations are you carrying?
- How do these moments impact your confidence?
Discovering New Capabilities (Choosing Your Power):
- What new strengths are emerging in your daily life?
- When do you feel most capable in this transition?
- What would your expectations look like through a lens of power?
- What becomes possible when you trust these changes?
As one pregnant parent reflected, “I never realized that being ‘forgetful’ really meant I was unable to stress over small, insignificant things I normally may have spent time on. I realized my brain is trying to protect me. This awareness completely changed how I viewed my ability to recall things.”
Building Your Parent Brain Toolkit
The most robust transitions happen when you design your own way forward. Consider:
Daily Practice:
What strength will you consciously leverage today?
Weekly Reflection:
What success this week reflected your evolved capabilities?
Monthly Integration:
What do you see now that you didn’t see before?
Embracing Your Evolution
Think of your brain like a smartphone getting a major upgrade – some apps might run differently, but you’re gaining powerful new capabilities. Research by Lambert (2012) shows that these adaptations enhance our resilience in the long term. The next time you find yourself reciting “‘Beep!’ said Blue” while struggling to remember what you had for breakfast, remember: your brain isn’t failing—it’s evolving into a more capable version.
You are powerful. You are adapting. And while science continues to reveal new benefits of these changes, one thing is clear: you’re not just becoming a parent—you’re evolving into a version of yourself with extraordinary new capabilities.